Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Unusual Post

I don't usually post anything personal, but today I just need a friend.

Last July, the doctors diagnosed my husband of 48 years with lung cancer. He's nearing his last days, and I'm having trouble dealing with the inevitable.

It feels like the sun is dying with him, and I don't know what to do. Seeing him breaks my heart, but the thought of not seeing him tears out my soul.

My children are hurting as much as I am, and it's killing me to see them try to hide their suffering to ease my pain. They must forget that I know them better than anyone.

I keep asking myself: Is this a test of faith? Why would the Lord want to do that to me? I'm not perfect, but I've always been faithful.

Then I think, maybe He just wants to take my husband home because He misses him, misses the laughter, the ever-present smile, the michieviousness in those beautiful blue eyes, the happiness he brings, the way he touches the deepest part those around him.

I don't know the Lord's reasons, but I do know I desperately need Him to help me through this.